I’ve been getting some asks lately from people anonymously asking for advice because they think they could possibly be bisexual or a lesbian. So I decided to just make an entire post dedicated to this subject for anyone to come to if they find themselves wondering that question.

Frequently stated: 

• I notice attractive girls
• I get turned on by girls bodies, girls kissing, ect.
• I can’t be a lesbian, because I’ve never had sex/had a relationship with a girl before
• I have had dreams about female friends

Let me just start off by saying that struggling with your sexuality is something that is very common, and not just for younger people. Unfortunately, there isn’t any easy way to magically know you’re bisexual or a lesbian. Finding out your sexuality is something you should give yourself time to figure out. It’s going to take time and self-reflection to figure out, if you ever do completely that is (because I personally had a lot of confusion with it and I know people that have never been 100% sure).

Here are some examples of situations which wrongly leads people to believe they’re gay:

1. Some people believe that if you fantasize about the same gender, you’re gay. This is not true. It’s actually very common for women to notice other girl’s bodies and get turned on seeing other girls. Straight women have the occasional “lesbian fantasy” and this is all thanks to your hormones, which everyone has to deal with, and it in no way means you’re a lesbian. If you have a sexy dream about a friend of yours, does it mean you like them? No. Dreams aren’t exactly something you can control (although that statement can be argued, I know, but I’m not getting into that..) so you have nothing to worry about if you happen to have a dream involving your female friend or acquaintance. 

2. If you have made out with a girl, you’re gay. This is also false. You’ve seen it, because lots of women do it. Whether it’s at a party or with a friend, it’s usually for fun (or could involve alcohol) and doesn’t mean they like them in that way. Some girls do it for male attention, some may give their best friend a quick kiss on the lips to show affection (I’ve done that with my best friend, of course I do like girls but it is more of a sign of affection since we’re so close).

Or,

3. You can’t be a lesbian, because you’ve never had sex or had a relationship with a girl. People tend to focus on the sex portion and don’t realize that there’s love involved, too. Sexual attraction alone doesn’t determine your orientation, it’s whether or not you can see yourself falling in love with another woman. When you think of yourself marrying, who do you see beside you? Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with? Who makes you feel comfortable, safe, and loved? And just because you’ve never had a sexual experience or relationship with a girl doesn’t mean you aren’t gay, it simply means you haven’t chosen to act on your feelings yet. With saying that, acting on your feelings is another choice you can make for yourself that could help determine your sexuality. But it is not something you have to do.

So here are some things I would suggest you think about if you really think that you could be a lesbian:

• Think about your past romantic experiences with the opposite sex. How did you feel when that guy kissed you? Were there fireworks when you made out with that one spectacular girl? Who did you have crushes on? What do you feel comfortable with and enjoy doing? Maybe you feel more comfortable with a female friend and could see yourself in a relationship like that more than with your last boyfriend.
• Examine your recent behavior with your friends. Has there been a close friend you felt extra possessive or protective of? One that you wanted to be your ‘best friend forever’ - and you insisted that you were her ‘best friend forever’, too? Did you just want to be her best friend, or did you take it a little too far? Think about the way you’re feeling, and really examine and analyse what it means.
• Look into the reasons that creates these thoughts and confusions. A bad or unpleasant experience with the opposite sex may cause you to believe that you’re gay. Subconsciously, you may despise or even dislike the opposite sex, simply because you don’t click or they simply bring back many painful memories. This in turn creates confusion due to a lack of comfort with the opposite sex. Separate these feelings from your sexual orientation or direction, and think clearly if this is what you really will be comfortable with. 

And most of all, remember that you are not alone. You’re on Tumblr for one thing, and this could be possibly one of the best places (in my opinion) to get advice on this sort of thing. Almost anyone is there to help in any way or offer advice. There are many others who have been in your same situation, and if you feel comfortable will sharing your struggles with friends and family, they could be very supportive. Remember that your sexuality is nothing you have to rush to figure out. You have so much time to think about how you really feel, so don’t go looking for a sure-fire way to find out at the snap of your fingers. Come to a conclusion that makes you feel comfortable and who you really are. Good luck and you can always ask me, or the other incredible community of LGBT-friendly Tumblr users if you have any other questions.